Aug 28, 2008

A Phone Conversation with my Mother

Me: I'm nervous about taking the GRE tomorrow...
Mom: Well I had damn cancer.
Me: Touché.

Aug 20, 2008

Oh, War.

“Oh war, it’s just God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”

Jon Stewart

Jul 20, 2008

An Email from Dad


I know I’m old, but something ain’t right with the world when so many people are singing “Bitches Ain’t Shit”.
Love, Dad

And that’s why my dad is my favorite person on the planet.

Jul 2, 2008

Thing That Makes Me Feel Like an Adult #47

Buying gifts for my friends off of their wedding registry, instead of from Bottle & Barrel.

Jun 21, 2008


In case anyone missed it.

Jun 9, 2008

I am so completely in love with these Pure Michigan ads… and this is one of my favorites. These ads may or may not make me tear up a little bit when I see them on TV… but then again so do those Jared-Subway commercials. He’s so brave.

May 25, 2008

Fired Up

There’s a show on FX that I watch sometimes called “30 Days”. It’s a reality show that has people live a different lifestyle for 30 days. (A guy who lost his job to outsourcing moved to India for a month… a border patrol dude lived with a family of illegal Mexican immigrants, etc.)

The episode I just watched had a college-age guy from rural Michigan move to San Francisco for 30 days to live with a gay roommate.

Mr. Rural Michigan had served in the army, and was all preachy about homosexuality being a sin. Despite the best efforts of his gay roommate, gay co-workers and gay pastor (!) in San Fran, he spent most of the episode making circular arguments about why homosexuality is so terribly sinful. Mostly— he quoted the bible a lot. Ex: when the gay pastor asked him how he could serve in the military and kill people (straight up murder) and not interpret that as a sin, Mr. Rural Michigan could only turn red and babble out some incoherent back-peddling.

So basically, throughout this entire episode, I grew to hate this kid. I recognized his point of view, appreciated that he wasn’t out and out (no pun intended) hateful and cruel— but he was just an idiot and it made me angry.

That was all until the last 5 minutes of the show when he was wearing…. *drumroll*… a goddamn CMU T-shirt!

You can spew all the ignorant white trash bullshit you want about “God Hates Fags” or whatever. I think it’s ridiculous— but it’s your right. Go ahead and knock yourself out (please).

But for the love of god, don’t do it in my school’s logo.

Let’s be honest… nobody really believes that you went to college anyway.

May 21, 2008

No Wire Hangers Ever!

MHM Cribs

The kids ask me alot how many artifacts we have at the museum. But they never believe me when I tell them that it’s around 100,000.

They put pictures of our new collections storage in the Free Press this week.

It’s pretty pimp.

May 1, 2008

Wisdom from the Security Guard

Me: Whenever I get the notion that I might want to be a teacher, I just...
Justin: ...come to work?

Apr 24, 2008

And They're Off

We get into some pretty awesome discussions at the museum.

Mostly because our building houses some of the most brilliant minds in the Midwest. (I’ve also said that it’s “where old hippies come to die”, but that doesn’t mean they’re any less brilliant).

Today’s topic:

If you had a race-horse, what would you name it?

Here are my favorites of the day

•Fancy Lady (an old-timey term for a prostitute)
•Goodnight Mush (a la the childhood favorite “Goodnight Moon”)

Apr 19, 2008

Let me stop you right there, Don.

I leased a new car today!

The whole time I was sitting in Salesman Don’s office, this song was reeling through my head.

The whole time.

I’m not even kidding.

Apr 14, 2008


There’s a car in the parking lot right now that has The Club hooked to its steering wheel. This particular model is delightfully chrome-clad.

It made me want to smash the window, steal The Club, but leave the rest of the car untouched.

Sidebar— do they really still make The Club? That fact in itself just tickles me

You're a Good Man, Ben Brown

Dear Ben Brown,

I have no idea who you are. But your music keeps showing up in my iTunes. I’ve been listening to it. And I think you’re groovy.

You probably live in my apartment complex.

I hope you’re not the guy with the chrome Club.

Apr 9, 2008

It's hard to know where you stand with a cactus

This is, by far, the funniest SNL skit I’ve seen in a very long time.

Mar 30, 2008


I make a lot of jokes at work.

I teach Michigan History to 4th graders, and I say a lot of funny things in the process.

The kids almost never laugh… and that makes me feel good.

If a 4th grader laughs at my jokes, I can’t really be that funny.

Mar 25, 2008

Thing That Makes Me Feel Like An Adult # 259

Listening to the radio while driving to work, and turning up the volume when the traffic report comes on.

Mar 20, 2008

This Shouldn't Be Funny

There was not one good looking kid in that whole class— that entire class was ugly. I’m gonna find out later that it was like a special needs class or something, and then I’m gonna feel like a dick.


Mar 17, 2008

Anthropologic Nightmares

I woke up in the middle of the night and had to get to the computer immediately.

I had a dream about ancient Peru, and for the life of me, could not remember the difference between the Moche and the Nazca pottery styles from the 6th and 7th centuries.

Never study Anthropology. This stuff will haunt your dreams.

Mar 15, 2008

Thing That Makes Me Feel Like An Adult #172

Ironing a white dress shirt and then making sure my pants have a perfect crease down the front, parallel with the pinstripes.

Mar 13, 2008


As a museum professional… I’m not sure if I should be amused or appalled by this.

Mar 7, 2008

The Darjeeling Limited

It’s got all the great things that come with every Wes Anderson comedy flick, but with more poignant spiritual substance.

I’m in love with everything about this movie and can’t stop thinking about it. It’s so visually stunning— I want to design an entire house around the colors in this movie and live there forever.

Mar 1, 2008

Governments are Easy

Some people play fantasy football or fantasy hockey…

But at the museum, we play fantasy government and today was heated.

After I made Stevens T. Mason my Vice President, I appointed all of the Doozers to any remaining cabinet positions.

I like their work ethic.